Discovering life
by naisha9408
Summary: 10 years older and wiser. Isn't that how it's supposed to go? The older you get, the wiser? Well, Rory doesn't necessarily agree with that. She's made mistakes, done things she'd never thought she'd do. Only for her to end up here. No job, no home and a life-altering decision to make. Can she get her life back on track? Who will be there to help her along the way?
1. Life reconsidered

**Chapter 1: Life reconsidered**

Rory had always been the responsible one, the sensible one that everyone could trust with anything. She was always the one people came to when they found themselves in trouble. She'd never found herself in this particular situation before, sure she'd done stupid things she regretted but this, this was definitely taking the cake.

She couldn't do this. Not right now at least.

She didn't have a home. She'd moved in with her mom in Stars Hollow again, she'd said it was only temporary for the last many months. The problem was she'd made no effort in finding a steady job or an apartment for herself. She just floated around her childhood home and town, not really doing or accomplishing anything, and she had no one to blame but herself in the end.

She needed to get herself and her life back together. Get her thoughts straight and find her priorities. She couldn't continue being the scared little girl who'd run to her mommy every time something didn't go according to her plan. Especially not now.

She could do it, dammit. She'd graduated Yale, lived on the road following Obama and traveled around the world, chasing the story. She'd been published in The New Yorker and she'd seen plenty success from just that, but somehow, it just wasn't enough. She didn't have anyone to share her success with. She didn't belong anywhere, sure she'd had her shoebox-sized apartment in Chelsea, but it wasn't really home.

She'd flailed around, trying to find a meaning with it all.

It wasn't until she'd met Logan in Hamburg a year and a half ago, that her life seemed to have taken a nosedive. Beginning to lie to her mom, to her family and friends. Her job opportunities seemed to have shrunk in, and the few things she actually got to write, she couldn't seem to find the motivation for. Her money slowly dwindling out as had her job-opportunities and she had to move from her apartment, the apartment she hadn't lived in for much more than a month at a time since she got it. Sleeping on Paris' hypothetical couch and finally, finding her way back to Stars Hollow and her mom.

Meeting Logan only seemed to heighten her feelings of loneliness, even with her boyfriend back home. She'd had an affair with an engaged man, been with someone other than her boyfriend back home in the States.

It was just so easy and comfortable. Being with Logan again. She didn't need to worry about anything, because he always took care of everything. Always made sure she was alright and took care of herself, especially after her grandpa had died. He was the same old Logan and she quickly fell into the role of the old Rory, even when they both knew they'd changed.

She couldn't do that anymore, not now, never again.

With a huge worried sigh, Rory Gilmore sat on the overly uncomfortable yellow plastic chair, looking around the room, taking in the people loitering around the room, as people rushed in and out of the back rooms.

Mostly families, women with small children playing on the floor or bouncing on their mothers' knees. There was the occasional single woman, like her, that looked around the room uncomfortably before sitting down, effectively ignoring any and everything around them until their name was called to go in the back.

The waiting was perfect for her to begin making plans, to begin on one of her lists but once she got out her pad and pen, she was blanking what she wanted, what to put on her list. She had no pros or cons, no idea what she was going to do, if she even was going to do anything at all.

Maybe she'd been wrong? Maybe those tests weren't trustworthy and she'd just done them wrong. That was a possibility – hadn't there been some story about the false positives once or twice? That could've happened to her, no doubt. There was no reason to begin rearranging her life even more than she'd already done.

Cutting off the affair with Logan after she found out Odette had moved in meant she'd also had to cut out the guys. She couldn't take them from Logan and she wasn't willing to hear about his fabulous wedding to the French woman. She wasn't jealous, she just didn't need that kind of information at the moment. She had enough on her plate as it was, thank you very much.

It'd been two months since her and the guys' last hurrah. She missed them more than she cared to admit. She missed the stability Logan offered in her mind, but she couldn't go back to him, he was set on marrying Odette and she couldn't really blame him. She'd turned his proposal down and had done nothing to discourage him from his engagement the last time she'd seen him. Besides, wasn't she on her way to moving on from him, from their illicit affair? She'd agreed to the last hurrah, knowing she was on her way to better things, or at least she'd thought that.

Shaking her head at her thoughts. A month apart. That was all. A month between the two of them, what the hell had she been thinking? Particularly now – what was she supposed to do? There were of course ways to figure it out, but did she really want to? Did she even care? She should know for sure after today, hopefully, but did she want to know? Would it be easier to deal with if she knew? She didn't think so. She still didn't have any plan on how to tackle the situation or how to tell everyone. This was too much, too heavy for her. Where had she gone wrong?

The squeaky voice calling her name pulled her out of her own spiraling thoughts and got her moving from the chair and the many waiting families and women, walking into the back and finding the door that belonged to the person she was here for.

"Come on in, Rory."

Rory looked at the smiling middle-aged woman who'd opened the door before she even got to knock and making her presence known. Rory nodded and took a deep breath, trying to find her courage and take the steps into the room.

It felt like she was sealing her faith with those slow steps.

"Now, why don't you tell me why you're here, Rory?"

Nerves rising, sweat developing lightly on her forehead and she looked around the room with wide eyes, making sure no one else was in there to overhear their conversation. It was ridiculous! She was a 32-year old woman, for God's sake!

"Yes, well." She started out, wringing her hands around themselves. "My period is late and I would just like to, well you know, make sure everything is in order, Dr. Johnson."

The older woman smiles softly and looks at her knowingly. "And how many tests told you what we both think is the reason for your missing period, Rory?"

Laughing nervously, Rory shakes her head. "Well, I've heard you can get a false positive, right Dr. Johnson? Maybe it's just that… four times in a row. It could happen, right?"

Dr. Johnson shook her head with a small laugh. It was just typical Rory Gilmore, having taken four tests and still doubting the results. "The chances of four tests being wrong is alike winning in the lottery, Rory."

Rory sighed and nodded, looking down at her hands. She already knew, deep down, that she'd been stupidly naïve, that she'd been fooling herself with those thoughts. Four tests in a row doesn't get it wrong. The fact that she'd been nauseous for two weeks straight and curled her nose at the smell of the Chinese her mom had brought them last week from Al's, should've been enough of an indicator.

"Let's just make it official, shall we?" Dr. Johnson asked softly, standing from her chair and began gathering the needed instruments for the test. "It'll only take a few minutes to confirm our suspicions."

Those minutes felt like the longest in her life. They shouldn't. It should've been when she was at home, in her childhood-room, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at the four tests lying on her nightstand. Those should've been the longest minutes in her life, but she'd been delusional, she'd thought it was an honest mistake. She couldn't simply be... It just wasn't in her plans, in her sight for her future.

"Our suspicions are clearly confirmed, Rory." Dr. Johnson said, bringing her out of her thoughts once again. "Congratulations. You're going to be a mommy."

Looking down at her still flat stomach, trying to come to terms with her new situation, trying to figure out what to do. Just staring at her stomach like the little thing growing inside her had a plan to get them out of this mess. "Thank you." She said silently and looked up at the older woman, taking a deep breath. "Can you- you know, see how far I am?"

The problem at the forefront of her mind. She needed to know, like she needed to breathe to keep alive. She couldn't live with not knowing, but Dr. Johnson didn't know that. She didn't need to know the reason Rory desperately needed to know how far along she was.

"You don't have any idea when conception could've been?"

Slowly she nodded. "There are two occasions, but they're a month apart, so I'm not sure, Dr. Johnson."

The doctor nodded, pushed some buttons on her computer before looking at Rory again. "When were they?"

Quickly biting her lower lip and licking her lips. "The first was May 6th, and the second was June 10th."

Dr. Johnson pushed some more buttons and nodded before looking back at Rory. "With those dates, you're at least 7 weeks pregnant, if not more. Is that specific enough for now or do we want to be even more specific?"

Scratching her cuticles Rory hesitated before shaking her head. "Can we be more specific? I really need to know the exact date, Dr. Johnson."

The older woman smiled softly and nodded. "Of course, Rory. Just go get comfortable on the gurney and I'll prepare everything for a sonogram. We'll know exactly how far along you are soon."

The gurney is hard to lay on, cold and lonely. It would've been more comfortable if someone was with her, but she couldn't tell anyone. Couldn't drag anyone, not even her mom, into the mess that was her life right now. Would she be able to do that to a baby? Could she get back on track before the baby came? What did she hope for? When did she want the baby to have been conceived? What would be better? She hadn't a clue.

This just added to her already messy situation.

"Just pull your shirt up and the pants down a bit, Rory." Dr. Johnson said, standing at the side of the gurney, turning on the frightening machine, grabbing the small wand and squirting a clear gel on the flatter side of it. "This might be a bit cold, but it'll heat up soon, alright?"

Rory nodded hesitantly and the doctor pressed the wand to the lower part of Rory's stomach, moving it around slowly while looking at the screen before she held the wand still and smiled, looking at Rory and moved the machine slightly, making sure Rory could see the screen too.

Lifting a finger to a little white blob inside a mass of black. "Here's your baby, Rory."

Lifting to her elbows she looked at the little white blob intently. That was her baby, the next Gilmore, her child. This little white blob just made it all that much more real. She was going to be a mother. She was going to be responsible for another human being.

"And there's only one baby, developing quite nicely Rory." Dr. Johnson said happily. "You can even see it's developing more features and from the size of your baby, I'd say you were in the 11th or 12th week, making the date of conception May 5th and your due date would be around January 19th to the 26th."

Looking at the doctor in silence Rory blinked quickly, trying to understand what she'd said, what that meant. It was all so confusing and happening so quickly, she couldn't follow. Through the rest of the consult she stayed quiet, everything blurry in her memory, nodding at times but not listening to Dr. Johnson. The only thing in her mind was the fact that she indeed _was_ pregnant and that she was quite far along.

Finally getting out of her doctor's office and in her car, she took deep breaths and looked at her lap. All the pamphlets she'd gotten from Dr. Johnson about motherhood and pregnancy. The prescription for prenatal vitamins needed to be picked up. All the new dates with visits to her doctor needed to be put into her calendar.

She needed to get control of her life and get everything in order. Preferably right now.


	2. Decisions

**A/N:** This story will follow AYITL, but not completely (I honestly don't remember everything that happened in the four episodes). I want to try and make it as close to the real thing as possible, but some ideas won't follow the script. I will try my best to keep to it, but I view this as a continuation of AYITL, with my own twist on it, of course.

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Decisions**

Sitting in her car, looking at the Crap Shack Rory fiddles with the prenatal vitamins in her lap she'd picked up in Hartford after her visit to the doctor. Should she just come right out and tell her mom? How would she react? What the hell was she going to do?

Resting her head on the steering wheel, she closed her eyes, trying to block out all of the thoughts running through her head. She needed to come up with a plan before she could tell anyone about her impending motherhood.

A damn good one at that.

Sighing she shook out of her own thoughts and quickly put the prenatal vitamins in her purse and got out of the car, no lingering in her car would help her out now.

"Hi Sweets." Lorelai greeted her as she walked into the kitchen, ready to throw herself on her bed and cry her eyes out. "How'd the appointment go? Everything okay?"

Rory nodded. "Yep. Everything is fine, Dr. Johnson said I was probably just stressed or something. She gave me another appointment in a month, just to check up if I was alright."

Her mom looked at her skeptically for a second before nodding with a smile. "Good! I was afraid it was something serious, you haven't been feeling good these last few weeks."

Rory smiled lamely. "I know mom, but I promise. It's just the stress of not knowing what I'm doing with my life."

"We can figure all that out later, kiddo." Lorelai dismissed her troubles with a wave of her hand. "Let's go to Luke's and get something to eat. And some coffee!"

She shook her head. "You go. I'm not really hungry and I'd just like to sleep right now."

Rory didn't wait to hear her mom's reply, she just walked to her room and shut the door quietly behind her, letting her purse drop to the floor beside her door and she fell face first into her bed, hugging her pillow close to her face, hoping it would drown out the sound of her tears.

Stirring awake from her tear-induced nap, Rory turned to lay on her back, staring at her ceiling. Her nap didn't help her situation, she still didn't have any answers to her questions, she still had no idea how to tell everyone or what the hell she was going to do.

She couldn't have a baby while she still lived with her mom and Luke. She couldn't have a baby while she didn't have a job, she didn't have any way to support her and the baby. She couldn't have a baby, couldn't bring it into the world, not while her life was in shambles.

Closing her eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath, she nodded to herself and laid her hands on her flat stomach.

That was the first step. The first step in her new plan. The plan to get her life back on track and in order before her baby came.

She needed a place to stay. A place she alone could call home, a place she could decorate to her liking and make home for her and the baby.

She quickly got out of bed, not caring to straighten out her wrinkled clothes before she planted herself in a chair at the kitchen table and opened her laptop, quickly going online, trying to find apartments that wasn't out of her budget.

Looking all the available apartments over, those within her budget, she frowned. She couldn't live with a baby in a studio apartment. She needed a bigger place, a more expensive place.

She didn't have the money for that, hell, she didn't have a freaking job to support herself! How was she supposed to find an apartment, pay rent, buy stuff for the apartment, buy baby-stuff for the baby?

Shaking her head angrily at her own ignorance. Clearly, she needed the new job before she could find a new place to make home for her and the baby. Shutting down the tabs with the apartments, she searched online for job-announcements.

Hours after starting her search for a new job, she pushed her laptop away and laid her head on the table, crying softly. No one was hiring, the business was dying. She knew that, she knew it better than most and yet she thought she'd get lucky, thought she'd be special and would find her dream-job in a matter of hours looking online.

She needed to look elsewhere to get a job, needed to let go of her big dream of becoming an international correspondent. She couldn't do that anymore, couldn't travel with a baby. She needed stable and reliable. But she'd tried that already, the SandeeSays job hadn't even been something she wanted, but it'd been stable and reliable and she'd messed that chance up, burned that bridge to the ground.

There was no looking back now.

She would have to find other jobs, something she didn't necessarily want to do, but had to. Wasn't that what her life had been the last five years anyway? Just writing stuff to keep her head above water, to keep herself slightly relevant in journalism? Was she even interested in the field anymore? Would she like to write pointless articles for a living? No, not really. Would she do it if she had the chance? Yes, without a doubt. It was a job, a job meant money, money meant a new apartment for her and the baby. Would she do any other job that gave her money? Right now? Undoubtedly yes, but she wanted to be in a job that was just a little relevant for her education.

She shook her head and sighed. Should she even take such important life decisions right now? Weren't her hormone levels off the charts and affecting her every thought? Frowning to herself she stood and grabbed her phone from her room before sitting on the chair again.

Dialing, she put the phone to her ear and waited for a few moments.

"Geller." Paris barked into the phone.

"Hi Paris, it's Rory."

"Hey Gilmore. What can I do for you today?"

Rory fiddled with her nails nervously. "I…" She hesitated.

"Spit it out, Rory." Paris said impatiently. "I have patients waiting for me."

"Oh. I'm sorry, Paris. I'll just go and call later."

"No, we're talking now. If my patients can't wait five minutes, they can find another fertility expert."

She giggled nervously. "Right. Um, well… I was just looking for work, you know I've been struggling with finding something and well, no one is hiring at the moment. I don't know if I'm even interested in writing anymore. I don't know anything. I'm homeless, jobless and moneyless."

"That's a lot of –less you are, Gilmore, including not making any sense. You've known for a while no one is hiring. It's been no secret journalism is a dying career, even if you've been published in the New Yorker, you'd have a tough time finding work. Regarding your interest in the field, it's easy. Do what you want. If you want to be a journalist, seek it out, actively. If you want to do anything else, do that. It's not difficult, Gilmore. Just figure out what _you_ want, not what you think you want, or what everyone else expects you to do. You're not homeless, you live with Lorelai. And moneyless? Gilmore, you have trustfunds just like every other Hartford child. Use them until you find a job."

She frowned. "But it's not _my_ money, Paris."

Paris sighed, and Rory knew she was annoyed. "Are they in your name, Rory?"

"Yes."

"Then they're yours." Paris bit out harshly. "I know that you've been raised with the thought that you have to work for money, for everything you get but sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture. You want to move out of your mother's house, but you don't have a job. You don't have job because you don't know what to do. The only way you get to move out and have money, is to use your trustfunds. You earned those by going to school, doing well and getting an education. Think of them as a fund for a rainy-day. They're your back-up plan and right now, you need the freakin' back-up plan, Gilmore. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take action! You don't get anything done by just lying in your bed in that small town and wishing your dream job just appears out of nowhere. Get up, get going and screw everyone that says you shouldn't do what's best for you."

"Bu-"

"No buts, Gilmore! Lorelai will get over you moving out and using the trustfunds your grandparents gave you. If you really want to get your life back under control, then you'll use any means within reach. If your mother doesn't understand that, then too bad. You can't live with her forever. You can't continue to please her every which way till Monday, Gilmore. Grow some lady-balls and be a grown up."

Rory stayed silent, letting Paris' words sink in. She was right. She needed to be a grown up now, needed to do whatever she thought was right for her and the baby, not make sure her mother was comfortable with everything she did. The problem was that she just didn't know if she could do it to her mom. Could she go against everything her mom had taught her, everything her mom thought was right and do this?

"My mom will be so mad, Paris. I can't do it."

Paris sighed. "The problem is you don't want to, Rory. You don't want to grow up and face the real world. The real world sucks and you need to make decisions not everyone will like, but they'll be _your_ decisions. You don't need to make anyone but yourself happy. Not Lorelai, not Emily, not even me. I can't help you unless you truly want to be helped, Gilmore. Let me know when you're done with hiding in that small town of yours, and I'll send your boxes."

Rory sighed and put down her phone, laying her head in her hands. Paris was right. She couldn't keep hiding behind Stars Hollow and her mom. She needed to get out and join everyone else in the real world. She needed to figure out what exactly she wanted to do in life, she needed to find another place to live and she needed to tell everyone what was going on with her.

Paris never held anything back, Rory could always count on her to tell her the harsh truth, even if she didn't want it.

Pulling her laptop closer, she opened up a document and began making a list, began mapping out what she was unhappy and happy with in her life at the moment. She began planning, made a strategy she couldn't differ from, she needed to stay on the lane she planned right now, because that was what _she_ wanted.

She wanted an apartment for herself.

She wanted a new job, in what field she didn't know yet, but she'd figure that out later.

She wanted to get her life back together.

She wanted to have the baby.


	3. Hiding

**Chapter 3: Hiding**

Sitting at the kitchen table, her laptop still in front of her, Rory continued to write her lists, continued to map out the next steps she needed to take to gain back her independence and ultimately her life.

"Whatcha doing sweets?"

Rory hurriedly slammed her laptop closed and looked at her mom standing in front of her.

"Oh um, nothing." She said and smiled slightly. "Just… you know looking around for any jobs."

Lorelai frowned and sat at the chair besides her. "I thought we'd discuss your options later."

"I just thought I'd try and look around, mom. Didn't matter, though, no one is hiring right now."

"Oh, well I'm sure something will pop up." Lorelai said and waved a dismissive hand. "I'm sure we'll find the perfect job for you. We just have to wait until some bigshot news editor realizes he can't live without Rory Gilmore."

"I don't think that's how I'll get my dream job, mom."

Lorelai scoffed. "Of course, it is! You're a talented writer and everyone who can't see that is blind, kiddo."

"My career is dying, mom. I can't just sit around and wait until someone finds me. I have to find them and pressure them to give me a job or at least a chance to prove I'm a good writer."

"And I know that chance will come at some point, sweets. I just know, alright? But at the moment let's not think about all this grown-up stuff and just be us." Lorelai said and smiled widely. "How about a movie-night?"

"I don't know."

"Come on, Ror. Lots of junk, candy and mock-able movies. Just like always!"

"I just have so much on my mind, mom. I don't know if a movie-night is a good idea right now."

Rolling her eyes, Lorelai huffed. "And that's why a movie-night is perfect! We won't think of your future again. We'll figure it all out later, sweets. I think a movie-night is just what we need."

Sighing Rory nodded. "Okay."

Lorelai smiled widely and stood. "Great! I'll go get the supplies while you pick out the movies." She said and walked out of the kitchen. "Just choose some good movies, sweets!" She shouted as she closed the front door, leaving Rory sitting at the kitchen table.

She was a coward. A boneless coward that couldn't ever say no to anyone, particularly not her own mother. What was wrong with her? She'd been raised better than this. Better than to just roll over and agree with everything people told her.

She didn't want to have a movie-night. She didn't want to wait and see if someone opened their eyes and hired her on the spot. She didn't want to continue to live under her mom's roof. She didn't want to be a spineless scaredy-cat, but what could she do? She needed her mom, she needed all the support she could get and alienating her mom wouldn't help her out in the long run.

She needed to find some courage and tell her mom she couldn't pretend everything was okay. She couldn't keep doing whatever her mother wanted her to do, but breaking away from her was hard. Harder than anything she'd ever had to do before. Her mom only wanted what was best for her, nothing else. And if she believed they could find Rory's dream job with a little waiting, Rory wanted to believe that. Her mom couldn't be wrong about it. She was always right. Always had the best intentions and ideas.

Maybe a movie-night was exactly what they needed? She didn't think she wanted it, but her mom _was_ right, it could be perfect. It could get her mind off of all the thoughts of non-existing jobs and too-expensive apartments. And of course, most importantly, the baby.

The baby she didn't have a clue what to do with. The baby she hadn't told anyone about. The baby that, soon enough, would be visible in her stomach.

Shaking her head, Rory stood from the chair. A movie-night was exactly what she needed right now. Exactly what could make her forget everything and go back to normal. Nothing would've changed when they watched movies and her life wouldn't be so messed up.

Quickly picking up her laptop and disposing it on her bed, she walked to the living room and found the movies she wanted to watch tonight. Something easily mock-able and something that would rid her mind of any thoughts of her future and how bleak it all looked at the moment.

Making up her mind, she put the three movies on the coffee table and sat in the couch, taking out her cell phone and putting it on silent before putting it back in her pocket. She didn't want any interruptions, she didn't need anyone trying to remind her of the real world, the world outside of Stars Hollow.

She was fine here. She was happy with her life and most of the choices she'd taken and she'd ended up back here. In the town, she loved so much and with her mom who supported her through every adventure she'd taken on.

She didn't need anything else but her mom and Stars Hollow.

"I'm back!" Lorelai hollered as she closed the front door. "I hope you've picked out the movies, 'cause I've gotten enough for three movie-nights, kiddo."

Rory smiled as her mom put all the junk and candy on the table, quickly helping her lay it all out before going to the kitchen and getting cutlery for their food.

"Do I sense a topic for tonight's movie-night?" Lorelai asked and held up the three movies as Rory walked back into the living room and sat on the couch.

"What?"

"Nine and a half weeks, Dangerous Liaisons and Dirty Dancing?"

"Yeah, I thought we wanted mock-able?"

"These are all about personal issues, sweets. Anything you're not telling me?"

Rory looked at her confused. "No, why would there be? You know I'd tell you if anything was bothering me, mom."

Lorelai looked at her uncertainly for a moment before smiling. "Alright. Well, I must say you've chosen some highly mock-able movies. I have taught you well, young grasshopper."

Rory giggled and bowed slightly. "I thank you, master."

Laughing, Lorelai put on the first of the movies and sat beside Rory and they quickly began eating their way through all the junk-food and candy Lorelai had bought for the night while talking over the movie and mocking it like they always did at a movie-night.

Having fallen asleep during the third movie, Rory awoke on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and her mom or all their candy and junk-food nowhere in sight. Groaning at the light that hit her eyes she sat up, looking around the living room before she got up and walked to her room, getting ready for the day.

Taking a seat at a table in Luke's, Rory sighed and put her purse on the table beside her, resting her head on the table.

"What poison can I get you today?"

She sat up straight and shot a small smile at Luke. "Just coffee and a blueberry muffin, please Luke."

Luke lifted a brow. "What about real food?"

"I'm not really hungry. Don't worry, I'll be back for lunch and order a really big burger, Luke."

Nodding he went to the counter before coming back with her order and leaving her alone again. Looking down at the cup of coffee she frowned slightly. Should she drink coffee now? Wasn't there some rule that coffee was bad for pregnant women? And shouldn't she be hungrier? Shouldn't she eat a lot more than what she did right now?

Shrugging at her own thoughts, she quickly drank the coffee before she could second guess herself again and ate the muffin. Putting down cash for the bill, she said bye to Luke and walked around town.

Was this really her life? Getting breakfast from Luke's, walking around until lunch and then back to Luke's so he could feed her? Wasn't there more to life? Hadn't she dreamed of more? Didn't she want to do more with her life than wandering around her childhood-town mindlessly?

Sure, she wanted all of that, and more. But she didn't want to lose herself or her mom, or her town. She couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk doing what Paris had said, what she'd made clear Rory could get if she just put her mind to it.

Everything would work out, just like her mom said, Rory was sure of it. Fate just needed to catch up to her and everything would be better, it would all work out, she just needed to believe it. It worked out for her mom. She'd tried to figure everything out and left town, left Luke, only to have fate tell her that she belonged in Stars Hollow and with Luke. They'd gotten married and she was elated for her mom finally finding her place in the world.

Fate would do the same for her, no doubt. She'd find her dream job, a place to stay and have her baby. She'd work hard and get everything she'd ever wanted, while being a good mother to her baby, just like her mom.

Finding her phone in her purse, she dialed Lane's number and waited for her to pick up.

"Hey Rory!"

She smiled. "Hi Lane. I just wanted to ask if you were busy right now?"

"No, you can come right over."

She laughed slightly. "Alright. See you soon."

Hanging up, Rory began walking towards Lane and Zach's house. They'd already figured everything out. Married with twins and still pursuing their shared passion for music. Lane was undoubtedly Rory's most settled friend and she could use all the advice she could get right now, especially from someone that had kids.

Knocking on Lane's door, she waited to be let in.

"It's open!"

Shaking her head laughing, Rory walked in and found Lane in the kitchen, preparing snacks for Kwan and Steve.

"Hi Lane!" She greeted happily, taking a seat at the table.

"Hey Rory. I didn't think you were still in town."

"Well, here I am. Nothing can get me out of here."

Frowning, Lane sat with her at the table. "I thought you had that book to write in London?"

"Nope. I'm apparently not really prepared to write a book based on nothing." She said with a laugh. "It's okay, though. I didn't really want to write that book anyways."

"What are you going to do now then? The book was your job, right?"

Waving a dismissive hand, Rory smiled. "Doesn't matter, Lane. I've got plenty just to do around here."

"Really? Like what exactly?"

"Relaxing, spending time with you and mom, maybe write some freelance articles, who knows."

Keeping quiet, Lane looked at her confused. "That's what you want to do? Like, really want to do?"

"Well, yeah. Why not? Its Stars Hollow and I get to hang out with you all the time. It's just my life now, Lane."

"And I'm happy I get to see you more, but I thought you wanted more? That you wanted to travel the world and follow the story, Rory?"

"I can still write articles from here. I just don't want to travel around anymore, there's not much to it, Lane."

"So, you want to live with Lorelai? You want to live at home at 32?"

Looking at her confused, Rory frowned slightly. "Well, why not?"

"You know there's more to life than Stars Hollow, Rory. You can't tell me that with all you've experienced, you're willingly coming back here, living with Lorelai and with no real job?"

"You live here. Mom lives here."

"But you shouldn't settle here because Lorelai and I live here, Rory. What will you do for a living?"

Shrugging Rory looked away from Lane. "Mom says we'll figure everything out. Something will come when the time is right, Lane."

"You know that's not how it works, Rory. If you want a job, you have to search for it. You have to seek it out. Now tell me, why are you still here?"

Sighing, Rory looked at Lane again, dropping her smile completely. "I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I'm just so lost Lane! You all have it figured out. You, mom, Paris – everyone! And here I am, 32, living with my mom, no job and no money. I'm a failure. How did my life become so messed up?"

Smiling softly, Lane reached out and grabbed Rory's hand. "You're not a failure or a mess, Rory. You just need to get your life back on track, find out what you want and take it. Nothing good comes to those who wait."

Squeezing Lane's hand, Rory nodded. "You're right but I just don't know where to start. Paris said I needed to grow up and live in the real world. Get an apartment and a job. And I know I need to do those things, but I just can't. Not like this."

Lane laughed slightly. "Paris is right, Rory. But you have some time to figure everything out, I know you can do it, just think about everything, okay?"

Nodding Rory smiled at her and they spent time together, talking and laughing like old times and everything was as it used to be. She couldn't leave this behind, couldn't just up and leave everything she'd ever known, no matter what Paris and Lane said, no matter what her logic told her, she wouldn't do it.


	4. Harsh Truth

**Chapter 4: Harsh Truth**

Walking into her mom's house, she closed the door behind her, she found her cell phone and threw her purse on her bed, walking around the kitchen and making coffee she dialed Paris's number.

"Geller."

"Hi Paris, its Rory."

"I know, Gilmore."

"Right. Um, I just wondered if you could send me my boxes?"

Paris was quiet for a moment. "Where to?"

"Stars Hollow."

"And why would you need your boxes at Lorelai's house, Gilmore?"

"Because I live here, Paris and I need them. I need the stuff in them to be comfortable here."

"You don't need to be comfortable there, Rory!" Paris barked. "You need to stop being a little kid and get your head back in the game."

Huffing, Rory rolled her eyes. "I am in the game, Paris. I just choose to live with my mom. I love her and I love Stars Hollow. I want to stay here."

"You're a 32-year old woman, Gilmore. You didn't _choose_ to live with your mother, your situation chose for you. Let me remind you of our conversation yesterday; you're homeless, jobless and moneyless. You're living with Lorelai out of need, not want."

"I know what I said, but I've changed my mind."

Scoffing, Paris laughed harshly. "You're unbelievable Gilmore. Really. You've got a top-notch education from a prestigious university and you could get a job in practically any field. And yet, you live at home with your mother like some high school drop-out, doing nothing all day and force yourself to be complacent. Do you not want something great? Did you go through four years of Chilton and Yale, just to be your mother's little puppet, doing everything she tells you? Do you want to be a loser for the rest of your life, Gilmore?"

"What? No of course not, Paris. But I'm going through a rough patch, everything will work out eventually."

"It really won't, Rory." Paris snarled. "You're being stupid right now. You're not thinking straight. You just want to stay where you know everything, where you're comfortable. Life is not always comfortable, Gilmore. It's just something you have to accept."

"I know that, Paris!" Rory said heatedly, pacing around the kitchen. "I just really need to do what my mom thinks is right."

"Do you even hear yourself right now, Gilmore? You need to do what Lorelai thinks is right?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Wasn't it? I told you, you don't need to do anything _you_ don't want to do. It's your life, your decisions. I'm just here to make sure it's the right decisions, and I know that staying in your little town is not the right decision, Rory."

"You don't under-"

"I don't understand what, Gilmore?" Paris interrupted harshly. "I don't understand how you want to be a social loser for the rest of your life, living with your mother for the rest of your life? I don't understand how you want to do absolutely nothing for yourself and your dreams? I don't understand how you want to be a kid forever and do what your mommy thinks is best? Newsflash, Gilmore, you're not a child anymore. You're a freakin' grown-up and you should start acting like it. Your life will forever be running around your small town and doing whatever Lorelai thinks is best. You will never achieve anything by being there, by not changing things and taking life by its balls."

Feeling tears gathering in her eyes, Rory stayed quiet.

"I'm done with treating you like a child, Rory, here are some harsh truths; your life is going nowhere, quickly. One big article will not make a great writer. Hiding behind your mother will get you nowhere. Sure, Lorelai is great, I know that, but she's not equipped to make your decisions for you. Everyone is treating you with silk-gloves and I can't do that, Gilmore. Honestly, I don't want to, because if me being real with you will get you off your ass and realize the truth, I will gladly tell you the truth. You're a burn-out. You have no real future in that town, no real future at all if you don't work for it. You have no love-life, no chance for a family if you don't get yourself out there. And no, pretty boy doesn't count. We both know he's not right for you, Rory. You need to stop that relationship before you truly crash and burn. Right now, in your life Gilmore, you've got nothing. Do you want to be _nothing_ for the rest of your life? Do you want to look back in forty years and be right where you are, be _nothing_?"

"Mom says everything will work out." Rory whispered softly, trying to keep the tears at bay. She knows it's the truth, she needs to figure her life out, needs to find a goal with life and work towards it. "We'll figure everything out."

"Lorelai doesn't need to figure anything out, Gilmore! It's _your_ life, _your_ decisions! Your mother does not get a vote! She can voice her concerns, but in the end, _you_ need to be satisfied with your life. Tell me, honestly, are you satisfied with living in Stars Hollow for the rest of your life? Are you satisfied with the prospect of living with your mother for the rest of your life? Are you satisfied with being known as Lorelai Gilmore's daughter, the burned-out Yale graduate and not as Rory Gilmore, achieved in _something_?"

Letting the tears fall, Rory finally accepted and voiced her thoughts. "No."

"Then why the hell are you still playing make-believe, Gilmore?! Life is not a fairytale, it doesn't just stop because you don't know what to do. Life waits for no one. You're 32-years old and achieved in absolutely nothing. You need to get out of that town and put some distance between you and your mother. I know you love her, but she can't keep making decisions for you."

"It's just hard." She cried, wiping her tears. "I don't know where to start."

"Tough shit, Gilmore. Everyone has a rough patch once in a while, but you don't see me running around like a chicken without a head, do you? You have to woman-up and show everyone that Rory Gilmore cannot be crushed, that you will not let anything hold you back from life and what you want."

"I know."  
"Do you really, Gilmore? Because I said the same yesterday, only for you to ignore my words. I get that you need a dose of reality once in a while, but I don't want to keep telling you the same over and over again, if you're going to let Lorelai manipulate you into doing what she wants you to do. Think about it, Rory. Why does she want you to stay there? Why doesn't she push you to get your life back together? Why isn't she disappointed with how you've ended up?"

Staying quiet, Rory thought Paris's words over. Why wasn't her mother more worried about her missing work? Why wasn't she pushing her to get out there and do better? Why wasn't she voicing her thoughts on how Rory was living her life?

"I don't know." She said meekly.

"Because you're doing exactly what she wants, Gilmore!" Paris barked. "Lorelai loves her life in that small town, loves living the same place she's lived forever. She loves that you came running back to her open arms and does exactly what she wants you to do. You've become her little baby again, you're completely dependent on her and no one else. It's fine she's living the life she wants, but is it the life you want? Do you want to live there forever and be known nowhere else but in Stars Hollow?"

"No, I don't."

"Then you need to do something, _anything_ , to get out of there, to show your mother you're a grown-up and that you can make your own decisions. That you are an independent woman, like she raised you to be, and fight for what you want."

Closing her eyes, Rory dried her cheeks and nodded. "I will. Thanks Paris."

"Don't call me again before you have another address to send your boxes." She snarled and hung up.

Looking out the window, she quietly pocketed her phone. Paris _was_ right. She needed to get out and do something with her life. She would never be satisfied with living in Stars Hollow for the rest of her life, not when she'd seen what else the world had to offer.

Paris was harsh but honest. She only told her what she needed to hear. That her mother was too happy with having her back in her house, that her mother had too much influence in her life, still. She was a grown-up, she needed to make the decisions, not her mother. She would never forgive herself if she didn't fight and made something of herself, something she could look back on and smile at.

She needed to follow her plan, the plan she'd made yesterday after talking with Paris and stay in that lane. She couldn't let her emotions decide for her, she needed to stop ignoring her own logic, her own thoughts, and do what felt right for _her_.

She would steel herself her mother's words and do what she wanted to do, what she needed to do.

She could do it, she'd done it before. She was independent and strong, she was Rory Gilmore. Daughter of Lorelai Gilmore, runaway from Society. She was granddaughter of Richard Gilmore, respected businessman and beloved husband, father and grandfather. She had stood up to her mother before, told her 'no' and done alright for herself.

"What's wrong, sweets?"

Turning around, she looked at Lorelai and smiled tightly. "Just Paris telling me some things, mom. Nothing to worry about."

"Are you okay, hon?"

Nodding, Rory wiped her cheeks again. "Yeah. I'll be okay, I just need to do something."

"Oh really?" Lorelai teased. "Care to share what you need to do?"

"Not right now, but soon. I'll tell you as soon as I get the details in place."

"I can he-"

"I don't need help to do this, mom. Just let me do it on my own, okay?"

Nodding with a frown, Lorelai walked closer to her, stroked her arms lightly. "Are you sure you're okay, kiddo?"

Smiling and nodding her head. "I really am. Paris just needed to tell me some things for me to realize it."

"Realize what?"

"The truth."

Scrunching her brows together, Lorelai looked at her confused. "Did I miss something here?"

Shaking her head, Rory stepped away from her mom and towards her room. "No, just a conversation between me and Paris. I need to go do something in my room. Just call me when you want to eat dinner."

Shutting the door quietly behind her, Rory sat on her bed and opened up her laptop, looking at the plan she'd made out yesterday before getting sidetracked and stupidly thought she wanted to stay with her mother.

Paris's words had been completely true and brought out her buried determination for something greater. Logging onto her banks website, she checked on her trustfunds and transferring some money to her main-account.

She wanted another shot at being _someone_ in life and she would do it, with any means necessary, even if it didn't please her mom. She needed to do this for herself, for her baby and their future as a family.

Finding the number for a real-estate agent in Hartford, Rory took out her cell phone and dialed the number.

"Hello, this is Rory Gilmore. I want to set up an appointment, please."


	5. Keeping secrets from mommy dearest

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait. My computer broke and I had to wait for my insurance to give me a new one.

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Keeping secrets from mommy dearest**

Rory was quick to make a mental list of what she wanted in an apartment and sent the list to the real-estate agent who'd be meeting with her in the morning. She clicked to the agent's website and looked through some of the apartments, writing the addresses down on those she liked and wanted to ask the agent about.

She was feeling giddy about the opportunity to get her own place, to make a home for herself and the baby and couldn't fathom what she'd been thinking when she'd told Paris and Lane, that she wanted to stay in Stars Hollow. As much as she loved the town and her mother, she just didn't want to stay there for her entire life, it was a great place to grow up, but she was exactly that now. Grown up. She couldn't keep staying in the same lane she'd been in for the last few months.

"You ready to get some food, sweets?" Lorelai asked as she opened the door to Rory's room, looking at her sitting on the bed, clicking away on her laptop.

Rory closed down her laptop and put it away before standing. "Yep. Let's go."

Lorelai looked at her with a raised brow. "Wanna tell mommy what you were doing on your laptop?"

Rory shook her head, grabbing her purse and walked out of her room without looking back to check if her mom was following her. She wasn't ready to tell her mom what she was doing, wasn't ready for the fight that would, no doubt, come from her taking money out of her trustfunds and finding her own place.

Taking a seat at a table in Luke's, Rory looked at her mom, rolling her eyes at the pout Lorelai wore.

"Why are you keeping secrets from mommy, kiddo? You know it's not good to keep things from me, I'll find out what it is you're trying to hide anyway."

Sighing Rory looked pointedly at Luke, begging him to come join her and her mom. "I just want this to be mine alone, until I'm ready to tell you what I'm doing."

"Uh! Is it a pretty present for mommy?"

"No, mom." She laughed lightly, glad her mom found another perspective on her secrets. "It's something I hope you're going to be happy about though."

Lorelai grinned widely. "So, it is a gift for me?"

"Sure. In the sense that it's for me."

"But it's something I should be happy with, right?"

Nodding, Rory smiled. "Yep."

"Then it's a gift, sweets!" Lorelai exclaimed excitedly. "If you're working on something, even if it is for you, and you hope I'll be happy, then it's a gift. It's the rules."

"What rules would that be?"

"The Gilmore Rules of Gift Giving."

Rory laughed lightly, shaking her head at her mother. "Never heard of those. You'd think I'd heard of those rules before."

"Oh my! How could my own mini-me forget the utmost important rules?" Lorelai said with mock disappointment. "How the big world has corrupted my sweet darling child!"

Shaking her head again, Rory looked down at the menu, deciding what to order. A healthy diet was important when pregnant, at least the pamphlets she'd gotten from Dr. Johnson said. The only problem was her mom was sitting right across from her, expecting her to eat what she normally would. A burger, fries and coffee.

Grunting, Luke drew her attention away from the menu and she shot him a small smile, bracing herself for her mom's many questions at the order she was about to raddle off.

"I'd like the chicken salad with water, please Luke."

Luke stopped moving his pen over the small notepad in his hand and looked down at her with raised eyebrows, making his forehead wrinkle and her mom looked at her with wide eyes and a confused expression.

"I just thought I should start eating better." She said with a shrug, trying to act nonchalant about changing her diet. "You know, 'you are what you eat' and all that."

Nodding, Luke just wrote her order down and walked away from the table, leaving her to her mom and the incoming third degree interrogation that was sure to come her way.

Lorelai broke the minute-long silence. "Are you sick?"

Shaking her head, Rory looked at her mom. "No. I'm not sick, mom."

"Trying to get in shape for a marathon?"

Again, Rory shook her head at her mom's incredulous suggestions for the change in her diet.

"Trying to impress a fitness-buff mommy doesn't know about? Going after a career as a personal trainer? Trying to get on Luke's good side? Lost a bet? Getting forced by Paris?"

Rory kept shaking her head at all the ridiculous suggestions her mom threw at her, only to have Lorelai getting more excited about the apparent guessing-game they had going on.

"You want to become a model and your agent told you to lose a few? You want to be the skinniest woman in the world? You're becoming a ballerina?"

Rory laughed out loud. "No, mom. Besides, you have witnessed the disaster that was my dance-career when I was 11."

"Yeah. Can't believe Miss Patty couldn't save those poor papier-mâché ducks." Lorelai said with a laugh.

"The worst was Taylor announcing at the town-meeting that there had been a vote to never allow me to dance ballet at a festival again."

"I still don't think that was a real vote. If it was, why wasn't I asked to vote?" Lorelai wondered out loud. "I'm sure we could convince Miss Patty to take up your dance-lessons again. Show Taylor he was wrong about you being a dancing disaster."

"No. I'm quite okay with not having to dance on a stage again, mom. I think this is one of those rare instances where Taylor was right. I was a dancing disaster."

Lorelai scoffed, waving a dismissing hand in front of her. "With enough lessons you could've been the next Patrick Swayze."

"You do realize he was an actor, right?"

"He was a good dancer, babe. Nobody puts Rory Gilmore in a corner."

Laughing with her mom like this was something she'd missed, it was something she would miss when she finally moved out of her childhood-room again. This time there would be no need for her to move in with her mom and Luke again, she would make sure of it.

"One heart attack and one chicken salad." Luke grunted and nodded approvingly at her as he put down their orders in front of them before quickly moving away from their table again, standing behind his counter, looking around the diner for anyone needing his attention.

"If your goal was to impress Luke by your choice of food, I'd say you succeeded." Lorelai said before she dug into her burger and fries without a second glance at Rory and her food.

Looking at her mom's plate, her mouth watered at the smell of the delicious burger and fries. She wanted that burger. Those fries. And that damn cup of coffee. Sighing, she shook her head and began picking at her chicken salad, her hunger winning over her desire for the unhealthy food and she began eating.

"You're really not going to tell me anything?" Lorelai asked as they walked home from Luke's, enjoying the slightly colder weather in the evening. "What if I don't like your gift, kiddo? Wouldn't you want to do something I'd like?"

"I'm not telling you anything, mom. But I hope you'll like it, no matter what. It's something I'm doing for me because it's time I did it."

"But what is it." Lorelai whined, stomping her foot like a child and pouting her lips, looking at Rory with big pleading eyes. "I really, really, _really_ wanna know!"

Laughing at her mom's childish antics, she laughed and shook her head. "I'm not indulging you, mom. You'll just have to wait until everything is in order and I'll tell you."

"Fine!" She huffed and stomped her foot one last time before acting like the adult she is. "But if I don't like it, I want to be able to exchange it."

"Sorry, I can't do that." Rory said and looked at her mom. "This is something that can't be exchanged, because it's only for me. And slightly you and Luke, but only indirectly."

"Now you're just teasing mommy, sweets." Lorelai said and looked at her with a grin. "If I guess the gift before it's ready, will you tell me?"

Rory thought it over. There was only a miniscule chance for her mom to guess she'd be pregnant, using her trustfunds and finding her own apartment away from her. She shrugged. "Sure. If you guess it, I'll tell you. But you can't go through my stuff and you only get three guesses a day."

"Deal!" Lorelai quickly agreed and stuck her hand forward. Rory laughed and shook her mom's hand. "Since we didn't make this deal until right now, I still have my three guesses for the day."

"Okay. Shoot."

"You're getting a new car!"

Furrowing her brows, Rory looked at her mom. "How is that something, indirectly, for you and Luke?"

"Because I get to use it." Lorelai said before looking at her expectantly.

"No. I'm not getting a new car, mom."

"Fine. You're running against Taylor for town selectman!"

Laughing, she shook her head. "No, I'm not running against Taylor mom. He'd never leave me alone if I did. Or you and Luke."

"Alright. Last one." Lorelai said and pursed her lips, thinking over her last guess. "You're going to come work with mommy at the Dragonfly."

"No. But it was a good guess." Rory said as they walked into the house, shutting the door behind her. "The Dragonfly is your dream mom, not mine."

"It could be ours, sweets. Sookie would love if you came to work with us."

"You know I never wanted your dream to be mine. It's yours and Sookie's, and I'm happy for you but I don't share that dream with you. I might not know exactly what my dream is at the moment, but I know it's not working with Michel every day."

"He has gotten a lot better, kiddo. Last week Sookie only complained about him twice and there wasn't even _one_ utensil thrown when he visited the kitchen."

"That is progress, I guess."

Lorelai grinned. "I know you'd love to work with us. You could be at the front desk with Michel and me. Or helping Sookie in the kitchen. Or be the official tour guide for the guests. Taking them around town, going out on tours with them. We have enough horses for that, or we could buy you your own. Name it Sparkles and get a hot pink saddle for ya."

Looking at her mom, she raised a brow. "Really?"

"Of course! Whatever you want to do at the Dragonfly, we can figure it out."

"Mom…" She trailed off and walked into the kitchen, sitting on a chair and letting out a loud sigh. "I don't want to work at the Dragonfly. I want to figure out what _my_ dream is, what I want to do with my life. I just need a little time to get my life back together. I need you to support whatever I want to do, whether it's being a waitress or a writer."

"And we'll figure it all out, sweets. Don't worry."

" _I_ need to figure it out, mom. It's my life, it's my decision."

Lorelai scrounged up her face at Rory's words, not liking the idea at all. "Bu-"

"No buts, mom." She said fiercely, finally seeing what Paris' was talking about. Her mom was trying to get her to do whatever she wanted, not what Rory wanted. "I have to live the life I want, a life I can be satisfied with. I appreciate you want to help me finding my purpose in life, but you just can't. This is something I have to do on my own, no matter what you think. Just like you have made all the decisions in your life by yourself. You didn't want what grandma and grandpa's input on how you lived your life. I just want your support in whatever I choose to do with mine."

Huffing, Lorelai crossed her arms over her chest, looking at her annoyed before stomping out of the kitchen.

Rory sighed and laid her head on the table, shutting her eyes. That was not how she wanted that conversation to go, but she finally saw what Paris saw and it annoyed her, made her angry at her mom for wanting to control her life, still. She was an adult, she could make her own decisions, her own choices.

Her mom might not agree with them, and that was okay. But she needed to do this for herself, for her baby. Her mom couldn't keep controlling everything and she needed to realize that, especially now. Because once the baby came, Rory was sure her mom would want to control every aspect of her life even more.

She needed to get out of her mom's house and establish herself somewhere else, or her mom would never let her leave.


End file.
